Hi Susan

By Susan M. Klarich, Ph.D.

PROMPT—No one noticed ...

During a Writing to Heal workshop, the author had the following automatic, writing healing come through. The healer, Flose LaPierre, offered a meditation prompt of "Who am I?" to begin the meditation and then offered the class a chance to journal to the prompt after a five minute meditation. Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I meeting here on the page at this moment?

I am a girl trying to heal something that doesn't have a name yet.

I am a soul trying to connect with the watcher inside.

I am someone who has symptoms of an illness or shows a scar from an injury deep within. Why do I have these symptoms of rage & of judgment? Is it a control thing? Who am I trying to control? Others, or something from before? From childhood? My mother?

I am trying to understand and get it out — so I can see it. What is it? It is there like a dark seed inside covered up in a pink scarf. Pink for happiness and joy. But it is a mask. Why do I feel like I have to prove to everyone that I am OK? Why can I not just be happy in this moment. Happy I am alive. Happy to be able to experience life. We are all going through our own challenges and our own "black seeds." So I need to deal with my own seed. It is my job to heal my seed. Remove it. Shine a light on it. Name it, let it rot or grow. Let it become something else; something better. Remove the happy pink scarf.

It was not happy, it was sad. I was alone. I was afraid. I wasn't big. I was small & scared by myself & she didn't even care, she didn't help me — no one helped me. Why not? If she couldn't help herself, well then she shouldn't have had children! Why did she get me if she hated me? Why did she pretend to care? Why did she hate me? I am small, I am not big. Where is my mom? Who is my mom? She was like a monster! She scared me. I am afraid. I will hide and she won't find me. She hates me. She is sick & twisted. She shouldn't have kids. Why can't I forget her? Why did you leave me? Why were you always leaving me? Why don't you love me? I am here, but you are gone. Where am I? I can take care of me! I take care of me. I will not take care of you. You worked. You love me. Its a lie.

What is love? What is it until you name it. I am scared. I am sad. I am happy? I am not here. Where am I? Why am I scared, of who? Who are you? Scared of what? Of leaving, but she didn't come back! She said it was my fault, she said you left, she lies to everyone. Why do they believe her? I want to understand why she lived. She tries to scare me. Where does she go? Why am I here alone? I am afraid. I don't want to be alone. I want to be with you. Who are "you?" How did you go? Where did you go? Where is my dad? Why is no one here? There is no one here. Where am I? Where I am! Why am I here? Help me, help me, help me. Someone help me. Seems no one sees me. I needed help & no one came. I was alone & she didn't care!

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Susan M. Klarich, Ph.D., purveyor of roads traveled, emotions felt and lessons learned, holds degrees in Psychology and has finally retired from a career in law enforcement. There, she was praised for her writing skills and is now following a passion for writing that has shadowed her since childhood. Susan has published two books on law enforcement leadership and a children's book which can all be found wherever books are sold online. She has also contributed to several journals and magazines including; Short-Edition: The Short Story Dispensary and The Perch-Yale University's annual publication. When not writing, Susan can be found looking for inspiration on the back of a mountain bike, traveling the world, and in her own "yard-en." in Loxahatchee, Florida.