Memories
By Wendy Jensen
PROMPT—Never will I forget ...
I creep into awareness reluctantly
Surfacing memories tearing at my insides
Unwilling to admit these truths Yet unable to deny their effects
Memories buried for decades
Taint my body
Leaving wounds that fester
Leaving scars that mark my heart
But for turning the pages back
To read the past, to walk again in childish footsteps
I can never stand tall into my current life
Always semi-crouched, fitting in a smaller space
One that my body has outgrown
But my mind, my emotions remember
So I talk, one to the other, body to mind and back
Soul speaking to them both
Perhaps I can be one person again
Undivided by time, united within the present moment
I carry the pain, but I know it now
I know its purpose
I know its substance, its provenance
I welcome it as part of me
The part of me that survived in spite of it all
I recognize the strength that kept me alive
The power that protected my truth
That withstood the deadening silence all around
Threatening the life of who I really was
I said no
I will speak, I will open my eyes
I will stretch out my arms and stand tall
I will reclaim spaces formerly abdicated
I am here
I remember the fear, the terror, the shame, the pain
But I have discovered the blessings of safe places, safe people
I have healed my torn places
I have tended my grief-ravished heart
As I move forward not forgetting but celebrating
My memories my survival my strength
My wisdom
I will take this part of me back and be whole again.
Wendy Jensen plays violin, practices homeopathic veterinary medicine, and writes poetry in New Hampshire. Her books include a novel, But I Already Said Goodbye, and 3 textbooks on homeopathy.
