Our children don't belong to us
- jenminotti
- 19 hours ago
- 2 min read
Updated: 9 minutes ago
By Betty Vega
PROMPT — Despite ...
Despite my family saying, “No mother should have to bury her child,” I think everyday how commonplace that is. Mothers lose their children in war-torn countries every day. Mothers bury their children who died from gun violence in schools every month. I am surely not alone, yet I felt too alone to tell my story until this week. Until a women’s writing retreat, Her Spirit 2025, provided face-to-face time with friends I love. Each one endured a tragic loss in life. My loss was no greater, no less. Losses can’t be compared.
The first time at the retreat, I opened up with friend Debi about my son’s death, my tears flowed and muffled my voice. Debi made a profound statement that moved me. She said, “Our children don’t belong to us. They come through us for their own journey.” Lauri shared her experiences about two of her children and their close calls. Suzan comforted me with her big hugs. The youngest among us, Taylor cried at the memory of her father in his casket after I revealed I didn’t look at my son’s corpse. My reason— I didn’t want that to be my first memory of him. My go-to memory is my son’s first birthday. An adorable and healthy baby boy reaching for the numeral One candle.
I don’t want to be remembered as the mother who lost her forty-five year old son, or the one that couldn’t help her son see the light, seek help or heal thyself. I used to say, I “have” four sons, now I say “had”. Why do I do that? I believe “had” speaks to Debi’s reveal: he doesn’t belong to me. He came through me for his journey and I’m blessed to have shared forty-five years of our intertwining journeys. I’m secure in my belief. My son is okay and he’s loving his next adventure.
Betty Vega is “lucky to live Hawaii" on the island of Oahu. She resides with her husband and energetic terrier. Betty has visited more than twenty-six countries. She expresses her life experiences in story — fiction and nonfiction. She’s a member of both Story Summit and the Kauai Writers Conference.